Why you ask? Well, why not is what I ask you?
When you are a child, you just go skipping through your days with confidence, knowing that no matter what you do, you are loved and that no matter what, your mother and father are there for you, they will and can fix everything and anything that may surface. I remember waking up in the morning and I knew that my mother was going to be in the kitchen making breakfast while Soft-Step dancing to one of the old Big Bands of the 40’s. She would hear me coming down the hall and when I stepped into the kitchen, she knew that I would walk or run straight to where she was standing so I could get my “good morning” kiss and hug, along with her loving smile as she would say these words…”I love you”! There, that was my power pill for the day, smile in tow as I would then sit down to the table to eat. Welcome to my world when I opened my eyes to each new day!
Now, we had a very similar scene when I would come home from school as every day, I mean every single day that I got off that big yellow school bus and ran down my slopped street, jumping over my usual obstacles along my path because as a kid, you have that daily beat and path confidently patterned, only to see my mother again standing in the kitchen waiting for me to tell her about my day. She was now in the process of preparing dinner as we always at 5:00 p.m. (my dad’s strict request my entire life) but she again would put a halt to everything, reach down, give me a huge hug and kiss and say with absolute love radiating from her face…”I’m so glad you are home Tootsie, I missed you and I love you!” Again, she would have her music albums playing but during this time of day, it was her favorite Englebert Humperdinck (she LOVED HIM) and she would take my hand into our large living room and we would dance, slow dance. As I am sitting here now recalling this time, I am starting to cry yet feel all warm and fuzzy inside because I was so loved…she loved me with all her heart and I knew it! I could face anything, anybody, everything and everybody because of the love of this wonderful, beautiful woman, my mother for she is the one who not only showed us love, but she taught us HOW TO LOVE!
I am not sure if I will every truly understand parents who do not want to squeeze the absolute life (in a good way) out of their children when they hug them. Or, how is it possible to keep all those emotions way deep inside when they are playing with them? How does a mother or father, not kiss those “Mini-Me” faces routinely? How is the “want” not there? Was it because they themselves were not shown this affection when they were small or throughout their life? Is is because they genuinely do not know how to go about doing this? Are they embarrassed to show this side although they do feel love for their children? Do they believe they will appear weak and feeble by showing their vulnerable side? Or, could it be they believe that showering their off-spring with lovey-dovey gestures will somehow leave them, the children, vulnerable to this competitive world? I think it’s safe to say, all the above may play an overwhelming factor in the “why” of this.
You know, Jesus is “Love Coming Down” and love is a trait that is instilled, infused in us all if you are truly a Child of the Lord’s as we are made in the image of God and Jesus is LOVE, so how is it possible for this emotion not to surface? The enemy’s whispers and counterfeit spirits (those that are opposite of the Sevenfold Spirits of Heaven) have a huge defining role in this and this void has either 1) been passed down via generational curses, or 2) or been thrown in the throes of chaos and confusion that has merged with the spirit of depression, self-loathing, insecurity, extreme self-doubt, and the feelings of never being good enough to love anyone else or be loved by anyone else. This will numb a person’s God-given “Gift of Love”, allowing it to then be ignored and buried so far down that the person has no idea it is even there. If we are truly born in the Image of God, we all were born to love one another and ourselves and when you do this, how is it possible not to show it?
Below is a video I uploaded today regarding this very subject. Recently, I was informed by an ex-sister-in-law (we are still close) that my ex-mother-in-law was never told this by her mother as a child, nor as an adult, therefore, she herself never knew how to say these words to her own children, although she did feel them greatly. This explains so much to me! Why she does what she does and allows herself to live her life a particular way (nothing horribly bad nor anything that great) as I now see it’s how she was shown love or the lack of, that dictates her motives still to this day. She is 77 years old today and has dated a married man since 1982 and as far as anyone of us can tell, it will remain this way until one of them passes away. He is a very nice man, very well off (although I’ve not seen much come her way so I know it’s not because of his financial status) and he does love her but because of the money he has and comes from, he chose to stay in a loveless marriage where both his wife and he have outside “friends”. Now I know why my ex-mother-in-law has stayed so long on this dead-end road…he not only showed her love, he told her he loved her and for her, it was words she longed for her entire life. I have hoped and prayed that she would see her adulterous status was not pleasing to the Lord, that it was one of the “BIG SINS” and that it was because of this situation, God could not allow blessings into her life but it just fell on depth ears so at least now, I know why and I can start to take another route to get the above-message to sink in.
This is just one of the problems or should I say scars that carried throughout life and very hard to heal so my question is: Why not avoid it and just learn to say the cure – I LOVE YOU! I have to add this – I now can pretty well tell who they are, those that grew up without hugs/kisses – yet love, but not much physical contact. You know them too and can tell – they are the ones that when you hug them with that deep bear hug that is actually just your normal hug, and they stand very stiff, slightly moving their hands on your arms or back to give a little pat but then as fast as it started, the hug is over and the look of pure relief covers their face!
I’m also going to leave you with a song that my loving mother used to sing to us all the time. Oh she had many, but this one she said almost every day, even when we were grown. Thank you mother, you taught me so much…I miss you.
It doesn’t matter the years, the months, the weeks, the days or the hours that have now passed in your life without you truly knowing what love is. All that matters is that you are standing in an abundance of it now and will for eternity. Forgive those who could not speak these words to you and bless them by taking the time to do for them what they could not do for you or themselves…tell them you love them, speak it out loud then pull them to you and hug them, tight!
Remember, practice makes perfect.
One of my favorite scenes from the movie “The Help” is when Abilene tells the little 2-year-old girl she took care of (she was the maid and the nanny) that no matter what happens to her in her life, that she should always remember 3 things and she would repeat these verses to her every day and make her repeat them. You see, because this little girl still had her “baby fat” and in her mother’s eyes was not the “beauty queen” she had expected or hoped for, her mother showed her very little attention, leaving this little one feeling a bit unloved and Abilene recognized the lack in this relationship early on. So for all those out there that have felt that “lack” at some point in their life, this is for you: